Boundaries can be a difficult thing to manage, especially if you’re someone who doesn’t like confrontation. They can also be looked at from many different views but at the end of the day, you need to do what’s best for YOURSELF – no one else.
Over the weekend we binge-read “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle, and holy shit – if you haven’t read this yet, you need to add it to the list. Regardless of whether you’re male, female, or anyone in-between, there’s a high chance that you’ll have many A-HA moments reading this. At the end of the day, it comes down to this: if you’re not disappointing others, you’re disappointing yourself.
Now, to say that this point hit us hard is an understatement. We’re always so concerned with not hurting other people’s feelings and doing right by others, but what about us? Don’t our feelings count? If anything, we should be putting our own feelings first and others can adjust theirs.
We aren’t going to go off on a massive tangent about emotions, don’t worry. But we will say this: our emotions are valid and it’s important to feel them and not ignore them. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel. Having a daughter who is an empath has taught me a lot about sitting with feelings and that it’s okay to be feeling #AllTheFeels. We are human, after all. Even this morning at daycare drop-off, there is a little boy who is on the spectrum and also feels his feelings hard, so when these two are in the same room together, watch out! He had a bit of a tough time this morning and so he was getting super worked up and instantly, Remi’s entire demeanor changed – her body tensed up and her face got very sad. She was feeling all of his exact feelings and it wasn’t until he was okay and settled that she was okay and settled. We used to view these traits as negatives, whereas now we’re seeing them in a new light. We need more people to feel our feelings, especially if we aren’t feeling them for ourselves.
The last view months have given us many opportunities to deep dive into some of our relationships and the ways in which their serving us, or not, and how much effort we’re having to put into a one-way relationship. We’ve essentially drawn the line in the sand, resulting in us not putting in 100% to a relationship that we’re getting 10% back from.
It’s also important to set the example for the tiny human in that it’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay to not want to be around people. Now, with that said, there are polite and impolite ways of doing this. Perfect examples are when she’s in a decent/good mood, she’ll simply say “I need privacy” and we respect that. Other times, when she’s a bit more worked up or hadn’t slept well, she’ll yell at us to “leave her alone” (and by “yell” I mean the neighbours likely hear her!). Once she can ask in a nicer way, then we respect that decision, too.
There is a feeling of “newness” coming and we’re firm believers that establishing these important boundaries with clients, friends, family – even your partner, will help uncover your next self. Someone who is putting themselves first and not giving in to everyone else’s demands, wants and needs. It isn’t fair to us to always have to sit on the backburner while we exhaust ourselves serving others.
When we let ourselves feel, our inner self transforms. When we act upon our Knowing and imagination, our outer world transforms.
Glennon Doyle, “Untamed”